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28 February 2015 @ 11:56 pm

What can be bonded is not to be broken. Through all life's paths, there is one road that leads us all to the same place. No matter how far we all are, no matter how strained things can seem, a bond of friendship, love and brotherhood is something that stays. No matter the distance between the friendships.

Looking for my fic index or graphic journal? They can be found here:
Fic Index || Graphics || Fic Recs || Requests || 100 Things |

This Journal is friends only but I am always ready to add! If you would like me to add you, just comment here and I'll see you on the other side!

I ship love. I don't do drama. I love opinions and conversation. I expect respect for everyone on my journal.

Imporant links for me: Chrismtas 2015
23 September 2016 @ 08:09 am

God, it's been forever! So sorry!

Between starting my new job and dealing with internet problems... I've been either exhausted or frustrated 90% of the time LOL Currently, I am internet-void, which sucks. But the company my dad signed up for was seriously smoking crack. They claimed I used 10GB of data in thirteen days!!! When I asked her how the heck that was possible when I literately use gdocs, facebook, and LJ.. she told me that "10 GB is really not a lot of data when you think about it."

Um. Seriously?

The internet was complete shit-- I couldn't even watch a 'Tasty' recipe video on facebook because it wouldn't load. Therefore, any streaming or gaming was impossible. I asked for a printout of when the data usage was and they couldn't give it to me. So... needless to say, they're not longer my internet provider. They're appealing (after I had some... very kind words) to get my fee waived because since I was canceling 23 months early (again, customer for 13 days only) they were going to charge me $400 and another $150 because the equipment they need back is on the roof of the condo association attached to the satellite and I told them they could get it themselves (which, is a $95 charge of course).

So I called my bank, claimed my card was stolen, and am waiting for a new one. I would like to see them try to charge me almost $600 now. Assholes.

In other news, I am basically officially divorced. The paperwork is in front of the judge but I highly doubt there will be a problem with anything. We didn't really have anything to fight about. The house is being shown relatively often, but no bites yet. I am going to push to have the price lowered again but Peter is making everything difficult. He went as far as telling me he, "didn't give a shit if the house sold or not" the other day which made me see red. If you don't care, why did you force me out of there?

So glad to be free of him.

I absolutely love my new job, though it's got it's moments... we had a code silver yesterday while I was a 1:1 and I immediately went to the shooter episode in Grey's Anatomy lol It really wasn't funny... but the guy was down in the ED and high on something, and he didn't actually fire the gun so it was all okay in the end. But, still, scary. Manchester NH is a very different world than Concord, that's for sure LOL

Currently, I am a 1:1 with two patients -- a woman who OD'd yesterday on heroin and was combative with staff in the ER last night -- they don't know what she will be like when she wakes, so I have to watch her and have a nice panic button clipped onto my scrub top-- and the second woman has an infection and it's made her batshit crazy.

One of the things with heroin (maybe other IV drugs too? But mostly heroin) is that it damages your heart-- there's a huge risk of getting endocarditis from it and a good portion of my patients are addicts ((I am not on a cardiovascular surgical unit-- all heart surgeries and bariatric surgeries)). Yesterday I was a 1:1 with a 23 year old who had been doing heroin since she was 14 and had to sit there while they told her if she didn't complete rehab? She wouldn't get her surgery, and then she would die in 6 months. It's not usually that intense, but the look on her mother's face just killed me. The patient, however, was pissed because they killed her last buzz with narcan and just... doesn't get it. She thinks they'll do her valve replacement anyways.

Um, no. They're not going to waste resources on repairing a heart that will just continue to be damaged... as awful as that sounds.

Also kind of makes me want to write a cardiac-type of fic. But, I digress.

I am officially under 200lbs, too!! It's been almost two weeks now, but I haven't had internet in almost that long and haven't gotten in to update. I feel absolutely fantastic :) I'll post some pictures later when I get my internet back (HOPEFULLY this weekend. If not, I will be at the library so I can finish editing my DCBB and work on the art for the fic I picked up).

angelnovak and I will be posting Poisk Istiny (Finding Truth) on November 23rd :) I am super excited to post it!!

I am also working on a fic for the J2RBB, Sastiel BB, and Megabang. Because I am mental. LOL But its nice to get back into the swing of things :)
23 August 2016 @ 07:05 pm
So today I was in a friendly disagreement about tagging on A03. At least, I felt it was friendly. The actual argument doesn't really matter-- there was a million opinions on the matter -- but one member of the group was really getting into it with me. I kept it respectful, professional, and I thought that we were just having a disagreement.

Then, I get this in a private message;

I was like... in shock. Like, are you kidding me? We have a disagreement and YOU have the right to call me out on my body type? What is this, high school? I didn't know what to do, and then of course she blocked me after telling me I 'deserved it because I was arguing with her'.

So... I may have been a bit childish too but in the thread I thanked her for calling me fat and for being such a great part of the SPN family. I also made a post to the group which was deleted (which I had expected) and that's below. Well, people came out of the woodwork, messaging me about how they'd been harassed by her too, tagging the admins, etc and the main post was deleted and she's not in the group anymore. I don't know if she left on her own or if she was booted, but I'm glad she's gone.

I don't understand why this was okay. It wasn't okay, it's never okay to attack someone personally. And I'm just... still in shock that I logged into my phone to a shitty message like that.

18 August 2016 @ 06:13 pm
I am so excited to post my first big bang, I legit don't know how I am going to handle waiting until freaking October to do so. However, getting an artist and waiting for that will be worth it.

angelnovak and I wrote 110k on our fic!!! Between everything that was going on... part of me was half dreading we weren't going to make the dead line. But we did and I am so freaking proud of us and I just want to post it and get feedback LOL

The other summaries that were posted (this is the deancasbigbang by the way) look pretty good too so I am totally game for some reading material. I have the Sastiel Big Bang I need to start working on, but I have a story idea and I'm pretty sure my life has settled (knock on freaking wood). I also finally got internet at my dads so YAY for being in this centuary!

I half want to sign up for the Mega bang but I have to look at the dates... There is no way I can write when I go back to school.

How's everyone else doing? Any projects going on?
14 August 2016 @ 02:36 am
Title: Untitled
Author: lotrspnfangirl
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Word Count:2770
Warnings: Maybe underage? I picture them as 17/18. First time.
Summary: Jared and Jensen's first time. Basically PWP.
Authors Note: Written for smpc. Last minute work, no beta. Mistakes are my own! Some fluffy, pwp stuffs.

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07 August 2016 @ 09:47 pm
I had fun, even though my entire life was a shit show this week (more on that later, not in a public post). So here are the items my team completed! We did a total of 107 items! We were very motivated and the group that stayed up till the end kicked ass at getting some last minute items in!

It was an interesting team... I had my best friends (keywielder & angelnovak), my ex boyfriend, and some awesome girls that I'd never met as well as emmatheslayer on my team again. I did miss working with pippin1983 since we didn't talk much during the week, but it was a great team to be on!

I did make some of the pictures smaller so it would save your load times :D

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01 July 2016 @ 02:15 am

Title: Saving Grace (5/?)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Sam/Castiel
Summary: Sam has been in a mental institution for most of his life and has accepted the fact that he would never be out, would never be normal. When a new psychiatrist takes over his case, he begins asking different questions and Sam starts to think that maybe, just maybe, he can be saved.
Warnings: Angst. Suicide attempts. Self-mutilation. Character Death (Winchesters). Angst. Angst. Oh, angst.
A/N: Based off the prompt by emmatheslayer and written for her! I own nothing, except the fiction. This chapter is unbeta'd.
Prompt: Sam is in a mental hospital and Castiel is psychiatrist that sees how good and sweet he can be when he is in his right mind but Sam can never understand why he is drawn to Castiel and sticks close to him hoping he gets better.

Chapter four can be found here.
Fiction Index can be found here.

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23 June 2016 @ 01:59 pm

Day Two: Ten Likes and Dislikes
Likes: Fanfiction, Chocolate, Huskies, Diet Pepsi, Video Games, Food Network Channel, foot massages, my iphone, sleep.
Dislikes: Different levels of shampoo/conditioner, condiments, mushrooms, drama, ship-bashing, a messy kitchen, hanging laundry, wet peanut butter, olives, orange-flavored candy

Day Three: Your day, in great detail.
I woke up this morning to my alarm going off, and after seven consecutive snoozes (with my husky barking and demanding it was morning) I finally dragged myself out of the bed, got a good morning kiss from Erik, and found my pajama pants somewhere under the bed. I went pee (such relief in the morning!), weighed myself, and then made breakfast for the house hold. Okay, lunch. I made velveeta macaroni and cheese with hotdogs because we are so classy. I poured a lot of pepper over my macaroni so neither my boyfriend or roommate would eat what I couldn't finish and then I sat down on my brand new couch and started writing my Destiel big bang with <lj user="angelnovak">. I can't go into much more detail on that, since it IS a big bang, but we are finally writing some sex now that we're 50k words in!!! In a few hours I will be returning to bed since I work night shift tonight.

Day Four: The Meaning Behind Your Tumblr Name.
Tumblr name is lotrspnfangirl. I am a Lord of the Rings and Supernatural Fan girl. Although I am more active in the supernatural community, I was a LotR fan first and foremost and it will always b e a part of who I am.

Day Five: Five Places You Want to Visit
Venice, Greece, London, Spain, and Hawaii

Day Six: What Band or Musician is Important to You?
This is hard... music has always been an important part of my life. I would say the Rascal Flatts if I had to choose only one. Their music has always been relatable to me, in any stage of my life, and I listen to any one of their albums any time I am upset. They never fail to put me in a better mood!!

Day Seven: Do You Read? What are your favorite books?
Yes! Lately I've read only fanfiction... I stopped in the middle of reading Game of Thrones. My favorite books... I read Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings once a year, so probably those. But I read everything!!!

Day Eight: Three things you want to say to different people.
1. You didn't wreck me, as much as I thought you had. If anything, you set me free and I am grateful for that. It was hard to see, to realize, what I was compromising on, what I was giving up for myself, because I was so blinded by making you happy that I forgot there was two of us involved. Part of me will always love you, and I appreciate your part in making me who I am today, but I don't miss you anymore and I am much happier without you.
2. Everyone tells me that I should hate you, that I should get you out of my life, but I don't. I don't mind you, I think of you as my friend, and I hope that doesn't come back to bite me in the ass in the end. Yes, you played sides. You talked some shit. But I think you're just immature and were trying to protect yourself. Don't prove me wrong.
3. I like you, a lot. But I'm also scared. Scared that maybe this could be real and scared that I could be just hoping it is. I have yet to figure it out, and maybe I never really will. Either way, I am enjoying every minute with you.

Day Nine: Pet Peeves
A wet sponge left in the sink instead of the holder. Different levels of shampoo and conditioner. Unrinsed dishes or dishes left in the living room for the dogs. Doors left open with the AC running. Shoes left inches in front of the shoe rack.
15 June 2016 @ 09:32 pm
You are probably supposed to start this at the beginning of a month but... I'm just cool like that.

I am 26. I have blue eyes. I am a sucker for peanut butter and caramel. I like dogs. And cats. and animals in general. Slash fic has ruined normal romance novels for me. I ate ravioli for dinner.
15 June 2016 @ 07:39 pm
Thank you everyone who sent me messages or texts or facebooks or LJ posts for my birthday!! ♥ Everyone made me feel so special :D

My birthday was actually quite good! My man is at AT training for the Army so he has something planned for next week (which, totally new concept having a partner who does something for my birthday. Like what? Does that really happen?!). My sister came home from Canada two weeks ago-- she couldn't afford living in Toronto so she moved back here and is getting back on her feet for a little while. I went out with her, Izzy and my best friend Alex for drinks and food. Which, is always interesting since two ounces of alcohol is all it takes to get me shit faced.

My dad came over today to take me out for lunch for my birthday and then we started planning out a patio for the front of the house. Part of me wonders if I am making a mistake by working on my house... what if the judge ends up saying that Peter and I have to sell the house and then all the hard work I've put in and money I've spent is basically thrown away? Then I remind myself that putting equity into property is never a bad thing and if I do have to sell, this will hopefully ensure my chances of at least breaking even, if not making a bit of money. I still am hoping that I will be granted 12-24 months to refinance the mortgage into my own name (I could never do it now on my own). Fingers crossed. I still need to actually be served and Peter seems to be in no rush to get that done.

I don't need the divorced until I want to get married again, so really I'm fine waiting. Gives me longer to save money and get through school!!

I am officially down 95lbs. For those who don't have me on facebook, I'll post some pictures beneath a cut :)

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The last outfit was what I wore to a job interview yesterday :)

Otherwise, things are good. I've been plugging away at a Destiel Big Bang I am co-writing with angelnovak and we've gotten over 35k written so far. I'm pretty excited about it! I also signed up for the sastiel_bigbang but have to contact my artist to come up with a plot. Missed fandom over the past few months!!